Friends: How Many of Us ARE Them?
[Original post 10.1.2020]
I’m sure we’ve all heard the song “Friends” by Whodini. If you haven’t, I’m sure you’ve at least heard the chorus. It randomly popped into my head the other day and made me think of any even more important question: How many of us are friends?
A lot of people get so caught up in who’s there for them (primarily when shit hits the fan). It made me wonder how many of us are truly purposeful in maintaining our friendships. I had to sit with this question for a while before writing this out. So here’s my truth:
I believe that I’m a very caring person overall, but I can be a pretty shitty friend at times. I know that we all can be to some degree, but I have noticed that I am more than I would like/should be. When it comes down to it, I’ve come to realize that my friends give me A LOT of grace (Thank God for that!), and I try my best to return the favor.
When I was growing up I always thought I was a great best friend. Then as I got older I realized, I was often very selfish (I’m aware that I still can be at times). I would be so caught up in my own world / problems. I heard my friends but I wasn’t always listening to them. I’m still that way to a point. When I have one of my depressive states, I definitely suck at being a good friend.
Over the summer, I had a minor-ish fallout with one of my best friends. Looking back, if I would’ve been listening and paying better attention to her and our friendship, we probably could’ve avoided the 2 months where we weren’t talking. However, right when I was going to reach out I had my second miscarriage and on came a depressive state. Thankfully we’re back to our shenanigans now. (I know you’re reading this. I love you!)
As I sat and thought about the “complexities” of friendship, I decided to google the qualities of friendship (since the internet never lies) and see if I could apply them to myself. Here’s The 7 Qualities of a Good Friend:
Take a genuine interest in others
Give, don’t take
Loyalty
Positivity
Appreciate differences
Common Interest
Open, honest and real
Based on this list, I’d say I’m a good friend but it truly doesn’t matter if you think you’re good friend. What matters is that others consider you to be a good friend to them.
When is the last time you really checked in with your best friend(s)? When is the last time you didn’t just think of them, but you called them to see how they were doing? Or you text them a few uplifting words to help them get through their week? (Shoutout to my bestie of 21 years, Whitney, for texting me “Happy Monday!! I hope you have a great week!!”, even though it was definitely Tuesday.) When was the last time you made an effort to keep plans to meet up?
Yes, we’re all adults and life gets hectic. Some of us are parents now, some of us are working full-time and pursuing degrees, some of us are doing all the above. Hell, some of us are just struggling to push through our days. We can all spare a simple 2-5 minutes to check on someone at least once a week though. Call, text, Facetime, Skype, email — the methods of reaching out are endless!
The way I see friendship comes down to this: Be purposeful in your actions to those that you love. Whether you’re doing something miniscule or not, are you doing it with love?
Having good friends is great, but being a good friend is even more important…and you are what you attract. So take some time to reevaluate your friendships and the rolls you play in them, then make the necessary changes. We all have room for growth.
To my friends: Thanks for your constant grace and unconditional love.
Until next time; Be You. Do You. LOVE YOU 💜
