Lost & Found
[Original post 10.15.2020]
You ever get into a space where nothing makes sense? When it feels like you’re just lost and don’t know who you want to be, where you want to go, or what you want to do? Like you’re just walking around in a fog? It can’t just be me..
Remember how I told y’all I was living my best life and 30 has been amazing? Well up until a couple weeks ago it has been. (For all my friends reading this, I’m okay. Just a little sad at the moment.) I’ve been so busy with work, school, and trying to spend time with people that I love. I’m truly exhausted but I know why.
About 5 years ago, I realized that when the seasons change, I’m always a little sad more often than not. I love the sunshine, I love the beach, I love the way my melanin glows in the summertime. The lack of sunshine in Fall and Winter effects my spirit. My energy is low. I don’t smile as much. I cry (or feel the need to cry) more. I’m annoyed more easily. (I can probably blame that character trait on my dad though.) The point is, I’m not the best version of myself.
October is Mental Health Month, so what better time to check in with ourselves & get aligned again?!
All day at work I felt super unmotivated and extremely tired. By the time I got off, the sun was shining brightly. I put my windows down and sang for my entire 30min drive home. All day I felt so lost and in my own head, once I felt the warmth from the sunlight on my cheeks, I felt like I had been found. In the shower this evening, my inner voice basically screamed at me:
Everything that’s lost, gets found eventually. Give yourself plenty of grace!
Backstory: Grace is something that I feel very connected to because my first name translated in Arabic means grace, and my mother always showed us what it looked like to give grace to others.
In thinking about grace, I remembered coming across this post:
(Shoutout to whoever created the screenshot function! There’s no way I’d remember these gems word for word.)
The more I reread it, the more it resonated. If only we could learn to be more patient with ourselves and be overly gracious with internal grace. Lord knows it’s a constant struggle, but it’s a nice goal to work towards.
Here’s a couple of suggestions (more for myself but feel free to apply them in your lives as well)—
Don’t get so upset when you can’t bounce back as quickly as you’d like to. Sometimes you just need a day or two, or a week, to get your shit together.. and guess what? That’s okay!
Give yourself plenty of grace! This could mean several things, depending on who you ask. To me, it means allowing myself to feel sad without feeling the burden of how I made my loved ones worry when I was battling depression. I’m allowed to have bad days without feeling ashamed.
Know when to stay in solitude. I always feel guilty when I don’t see my nieces or best friend for more than a week. I have to finally understand that there are moments when I need to be still and just cuddle with my fur-baby. (You can see his precious face once you finish reading. You’re welcome.)
Accept that I’m not always going to be nice to myself, but acknowledge when it happens and apologize. If we can’t acknowledge and hold ourselves accountable when our internal monologue is spewing negative thoughts, how can we ever truly hold others accountable for doing the same?
Enjoy the clouds and rainy days… Because:
This year (and life in general) is hard enough. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself all the grace needed. Love yourself a little more each day. Remember: Things that are lost can be found.
Until next time; Be You. Do You. LOVE YOU 💜
P.S. As promised, here’s a picture of my son to brighten your day.
Turtle the Pitbull
