Birthdays and Goals
[Original post 4.14.2020]
I’m THIRTY!!! 3 whole decades.. I honestly can’t believe it! There are many words to describe how I feel but to sum it up into one: BLESSED. Let me tell you why..
The last 366 days have been a rollercoaster of emotions that led to continuous growth. I think back to my last birthday and I’m just so happy I’m not that person anymore. I was BROKEN!! I was forcing myself to be happy on the outside while suppressing the grief I felt for losing my baby. I was severely depressed. Crying whenever I was alone. Either eating my feelings or not eating at all. Sleeping too much or staying awake for 18-20hrs at a time. I was really good at hiding it at first but that only lasted a few months. Thank God for the select few people in my corner who called my bluff.
Here I am a year later… Stronger. Wiser. Confident. Motivated. Ready to kick ass and take names!
I was thinking.. People are quick to tell you to forget the past and move on but I say F that. How can you know where you’re going if you don’t remember (or recognize) where you’ve been?
I wouldn’t be me without those nights in hotels as a kid because we didn’t have a place to call home. I wouldn’t be me without having to work to help pay bills because my mom was doing it by herself. I wouldn’t be me without those years my dad was in prison or the years he was addicted to drugs and alcohol. I wouldn’t be me without losing my only grandparent a week before I started college. I wouldn’t be me without any of the things that happened in my life, good or bad. With the help of prayer, therapy, and love from those closest to me, I let all the hurt of the past make me into someone better.
As my birthday approached, I had sat and thought, “What am I going to do this year to be better?”. It’s really a two part question:
What can I change to be better?
What can I continue to do that will constantly make me better?
That’s what inspired my last two blog posts and the lists I shared in them. (Check them out here and here.)
This next decade I want to be the best version of myself yet. I want to be so full of positive energy and God’s love. I want to uplift the masses with my words. I want to give people hope that things will ALWAYS get better.
And you know what, that’s exactly what I’m going to do!
I came across this:
10 little words but they carry a lot of weight. The full “glo” is coming but until then, watch out for these sparks baby!!
Until next time; Be You. Do You. LOVE YOU 💜
