[Original post 9.6.2019]

If you've been patient with me and blogging (or lack thereof) you should be familiar with the fact that I am currently dealing with depression & anxiety, and I have battled depression before (and won 💪🏽).

This time around it's been a lot harder to pull myself up by my bootstraps. There are many sleepless nights and days of constantly fighting back tears. No one knows looking at me from the outside because I'm ALWAYS smiling. My clients at work thank me daily for always having a smile waiting for them when they come through the doors. It's a great feeling, but I wish I smiling this much outside of work.

When I'm not working, I have no energy. I don't talk much. My appetite fluctuates. I want to cry ALL THE TIME. Quite frankly, it's exhausting and I just want to be in a good headspace again.

I had my first session with my therapist last week and upon answering her questions, we both agreed that I just need a safe space to talk without feeling like I'm burdening anyone with my problems (which is my own opinion. No one actually makes me feel like that).

I have such an amazing village of people who love me unconditionally but I never feel 100% at ease bearing my soul to them because we all have our own lives and our problems. Most of my village are parents (to the cutest little villagers ever 🥰 ) and I always feel bad for coming to them with my problems because let's face it, they have tiny humans to care for on top of themselves, their partners, and/or their pets. I don't want to add on to their already full plate. So it's not that I don't have plenty of safe spaces I could go to, I just feel that it would be selfish of me to utilize them.

So here I am, trying to learn to navigate through the valley in my life and get back to a peak. I'd settle for being halfway up the mountain right now but it'll come in due time. If you're in a season of your life where you're in a valley, here's so advice from someone who's in a similar situation:

• DON'T GIVE UP. Valleys aren't meant to be lived in forever. Life is full of peaks and valleys. You just have to learn how to navigate through them.

• DON'T JUST RELY ON PRAYER IF YOU KNOW YOU NEED MORE! Now let me be clear, Jesus Christ is my personal Lord & Savior, but I also know that He provided us with tools (such a therapy) to help us more.

• Find an outlet. If you don't want to go to therapy, cool. It's not for everyone. There's no judgement if you go or don't go. Just make sure you have a healthy outlet. The gym, writing, swimming, singing, something!

• Cry it out if you need to. There's nothing wrong with letting go. Something my therapist said to me last week was "it's nothing wrong with letting it all out". I'm learning that true strength lies in your weakness.

So here's to better mental health, better days, better sleep, and a better life 😊

Until next time; Be You. Do You. LOVE YOU 💜