[Original post 10.9.2019]

Bare with me today guys because this one might be a little lengthy..

Okay, I've had 4 losses that really rocked me to my core. My first one happened when I was 14. I lost my uncle to cancer 3 weeks before thanksgiving. I still remember the last time I saw him.. how he looked, what we said to each other, the feel of his embrace, and ultimately feeling in my spirit that it would be the last time I'd see him alive.

He was more than my uncle. He was a second father to me, my godfather, and my pastor. All my early childhood memories of family include him & my grandma (I lost her at 18).

Throughout the past 15years since he's passed, he's visited me in my dreams several times. The night before last he came to visit me and that dream was mind-blowing to say the least. My faith is deeply rooted (a lot of that I can thank my uncle for), and this last dream just gave me more confirmation that Heaven is real.

To sum it up, my dream consisted of my uncle telling me that I could see him anytime, all I had to do was call on him (or Him [God].. I haven't decided which one he meant yet). The dream ended with me crying & saying, "Can I ask you a question?". He smiled & nodded. I asked, "Is my baby okay?" He said, "He's beautiful. He's with grandma right now".

I cried telling the dream to my boyfriend & mom that morning. I thought about it all day. Something clicked yesterday that it so pivotal in my healing process; if I'm still hurt after 15years of losing my uncle, how can I expect myself to not be hurt only 8 months after losing my baby? It's unrealistic.

Time doesn't heal all wounds. Some wounds are just too deep & you learn to live with them. You learn to accept that certain things will alter your mindset or way of life, but that doesn't mean you have to stop living.

Last year, I lost one of my very best friends on the morning that I was taking my very first trip out of the country. He was so full of life & honestly inspired me to start taking more trips. I could've been so somber the entire trip but instead I decided to make sure I had the best trip ever, not only for me but for him too.

We are all going to have to deal with loss at some point in our lives. Some more than others... But you have two choices: Bend or Break. Personally, I am bent out of shape!! But I'm adjusting and guess what?! You will too.

Until next time; Be You. Do You. LOVE YOU 💜