Fight or Flight? Take Your Pick

[Original post 11.20.2019]

It's been about a week since my last post and if I'm being completely honest, I really didn't feel like writing tonight but here I am..

I'm still pushing along and I'm damn proud of myself for doing so. The last two weeks I had such a dark cloud over me. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I ignored calls and texts. Slept a lot. Cried a lot. Talked to God a lot. Listened to A LOT of music without singing my heart out like I normally do. I was hurt ya'll.

Hurt because I felt like (and still slightly do feel like) I'm failing at life. Hurt because I'm still not pregnant. Hurt because I felt like everyone else around me was/is living the good life while I'm stuck in a lull.

Between my conversations with God, my mother, and myself, it clicked: I'm putting too much pressure on myself. I'm pressuring myself to rush my healing, which is ultimately causing me to feel so stressed that I shut down. Pressuring myself to get to the ending of my story because I needed to know that everything is going to be okay.

Here's what I had to accept (and I hope you do too):

Everything will always be okay in the end, even if it's not. I know how cliche that sounds but it's the truth. Everything happens (or doesn't) for reasons that we cannot always see or understand.

Your journey is yours and yours alone. Yes, you'll have people accompany you, but the feelings, the heartache, the joy..it's all yours to experience. The person accompanying you will feel all of these things differently because it's going to effect them differently.

The world pressures you enough, so there's not point in adding more on to yourself. We're constantly being pressured into showing the world our highlights instead of our shadows. That's why some many of us are so fucked up emotionally and when it relates to our self-esteem.

Listen, life is HARD! But it's worth every high and every low. Just think, our highs wouldn't be so memorable if we didn't have the lows to reflect on and be thankful for. So stay in the fight. I know I am.

Until next time; Be YOU. Do YOU. LOVE YOU💜