Signed, A Childless Mother
4 years and 3 miscarriages later.
Grief is something that never leaves you, no matter how long it’s been. No matter how it’s experienced.. it’s always with you.
No one can prepare you for it. No one has a handbook for it. No one can fully make sense of it. All we know for sure is this: even on the days that it’s dormant, it’s always there.
As early as age 7, I can remember imagining my life as a wife and mother. Now, at almost 33 years of age, I often wonder if it’ll ever be. Feb 2nd marked 4 years since I lost my first child. Feb 3rd, I lost my third child. There’s never been a rhyme or reason other than “spontaneous miscarriage/abortion”. For some reason, my body allows me to carry my baby anywhere from 8.5 to 10.5 weeks and then it aborts it.
Grief is a vicious cycle in miscarriage (and any loss really). This time around, the tears haven’t nearly been as many…the hollowness in my chest isn’t as empty…but the fear of never having a child is greater than before. It could be because this is familiar territory for me.. or it could be because as women, we tend to keep our biological clocks closer to the front of our minds as we get older.
The crazy thing about grief is that we all experience it, but no one really likes to talk about it.. and when it comes to infertility, I don’t think it’s talked about enough. When grieving (in any form or fashion), some of us are blessed enough to have a support system (thank you to my people 💜), but there are so many of us who don’t.
Reach out to your people. Be an ear or a shoulder. Extend grace. Take time to REALLY check in.. and even if they tell you that they’re okay or they don’t need anything, sometimes they just need someone to sit with/ hold them.. sometimes it’s just you’re presence that is needed.
I went back and forth about whether I wanted to share this time around and/or whether it was too soon.. but writing has always been an outlet for me.
If you take nothing else from this, please just remember this: “Give your people grace and just be present.”
We all need to lean on someone's shoulder sometimes.
Signed, A Childless Mother 💔
